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Month: January, 2014

Troubled

Impulsive is a word i could describe about myself. I thought of a way that i would like it to be but things were out if hand. I happen to fall for her, and without a doubt yes it just happen. She doesn’t like too public area. And i blew a few weeks ago, i couldn’t understand. And now i knew, she was afraid of being held in public. are we going too fast or am i pushing too fast i’ve been doing the chase and i dont want to be tired of it. People always tell me Giving is always a better feeling than receiving I remember how i told her that maybe im pushing too much and i should give her some space, she said she needed me. From then on, i never stop myself from letting my eyes off her. I keep trying even if i was the one who always say it first or do it first. Every point of my view, i need to let her see and let her moved by me.
When we’re out together after 2wks of not meeting up, i taught to myself is now or never so i make her comfortable. I danced along to the music she played, i laugh like a mad human and i smile without even knowing. I open my hand and she clenched onto mine, leaning onto her because i need warmth. Every bit of distance was as close for anything to happen. Silence sometimes came in, but it was her presence that was beside me and i never felt alone. I will always watch her from the back, it seem beautiful. When she do something embarrassing, indeed it is but is a cute side of her. When she walking funnily in front of me to the seats she want, i just love the view and how she turn back sometimes and smile at me. That was why i said, i love the view. We settled down and how i wish the train was emptied. Before my stop, i like doing surprises but sometimes i suck. Oh well, i gave her the gift and she look surprised as usual. Gave her tight hug and a kiss goodnight on the cheek. I never knew i was that brave to do so, but it was all because i miss her a lot. i remember when i asked her, “did you miss me?” She said, we’re here. And i said “did you?” She said, yes There’s so many signs but she never cross the line to do so. She’s always in the box, i dont even know what she’s thinking and what is in her mind when i do all these things.
She have too many sides of her, i start to feel weird about it. And then when i look up, Cancer have many different sides or personality. So i trust that. She’s different from the first time to now and to the time when we’re out together. 3 sides in total.
I pray to the stars and i clenched my hands together to always have an ‘us’ in me and her. I really hope one day, she will accept me and be bold.
Btw, i need some comment in what i should do. And is a girl and girl relationship, just so you know.

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Again

It happen again.. I have so much to say but opening up is so difficult like shit. I have no idea where to start but i want to start from telling you how much you mean to me. You keep me hanging just by looking at you through the videocall, your every detail i look right through. I never thought of giving you up, because you pull me through everything. That im hanging on with part of my life was because of you.

Looking at how my friends able to go through with an exhibition, have too many emotions. So damn proud of them as well as felt really not good in how I handle myself and my dream. When people ask me “You can try putting yours up”, I smiled “Nah, i can’t make it” That’s the only word I can say, I don’t find my work really expressive. I just don’t know how I should make it, well, just that good. I know how much if I don’t try and expose my works out, I’ll never get to where I am. Nobody would recognise my work out in the world, if I don’t start from now. Which lead me to much disappointment again. I just don’t know how I should do it well, how i should path it..